Forgiveness in Trauma Recovery: A Christian Perspective
Jesus commands forgiveness. If you’ve survived trauma, that can feel beyond possible, maybe even ridiculous. Trauma leaves wounds that run deep, and anger can feel like a protective shield. It is natural to want justice, to feel hurt, and even to cling to bitterness when someone has caused profound pain. The idea of forgiveness can feel impossible, especially when memories of betrayal, abuse, or neglect are still raw.
Forgiveness is not the denial of your pain. It is not pretending what happened didn’t matter, and it is not a license for others to continue hurting you. Instead, forgiveness is an act of liberation—it is a choice to release the hold that past wrongs have over your life. In the Christian counseling framework, forgiveness becomes a spiritual practice that reconnects you with the peace of God, even in the midst of ongoing healing.
Forgiveness in trauma recovery is rarely immediate. Some women need months, or even years, to reach a place where their hearts are ready to release resentment. That is okay. What matters is moving toward it with intention and with the support of God, Scripture, and sometimes a trained Christian counselor who understands the intersection of faith and trauma.
Understanding Trauma: A Complex Landscape
Trauma is rarely simple. It is a multifaceted experience that impacts our bodies, minds, and spirits in profound ways. Trauma can stem from a single, shocking event—an accident, an assault, a loss—or from long-term experiences, like chronic neglect, verbal or emotional abuse, or spiritual betrayal. Religious trauma, in particular, can make forgiveness feel almost impossible because the hurt is intertwined with faith, trust, and the very nature of God as you once knew Him.
The effects of trauma are not just emotional; they can manifest physically and mentally. Anxiety, hypervigilance, insomnia, and chronic illness are common struggles among trauma survivors. Emotionally, trauma can leave a person feeling numb, angry, or disconnected from themselves and God. Understanding these layers is crucial for anyone seeking forgiveness and healing. Without acknowledging the full impact of trauma, forgiveness can feel hollow or forced, creating more frustration, hurt, pain, and guilt instead of the relief Christ intends for us.
Christian counseling offers a safe space to explore these layers. A trained therapist will help you understand how your body and brain respond to trauma, how your heart has been shaped by your experiences, and how God’s grace can gently guide you toward restoration. This understanding lays the foundation for forgiveness that is authentic, sustainable, and healing.
How Forgiveness Occurs in Christian Trauma Therapy
In trauma therapy, forgiveness is framed as an intentional, conscious act rather than a fleeting feeling. It is the decision to release resentment, anger, and bitterness toward those who have hurt you. Importantly, forgiveness does not excuse harmful actions or minimize the pain inflicted. It is not about pretending the past didn’t happen or opening yourself to further abuse.
Psalm 147:3 reminds us, “He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” God is deeply invested in your healing. Forgiveness is part of that process—it is a step toward setting down the heavy burdens you carry. Each time you choose to forgive, you reclaim space in your heart for God’s love, instead of allowing pain and anger to dominate your inner life.
Forgiveness in trauma recovery is personal and spiritual. It often begins with small, incremental steps—praying for strength, acknowledging the hurt, or expressing the pain safely in counseling or journaling. Over time, these small steps create a path toward larger acts of release.
Reciprocity in Forgiveness
Scripture teaches that forgiveness is not only liberating but is also reciprocal. Matthew 6:14-15 says, “For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
For women healing from trauma, this can feel intimidating, like yet another heavy burden to bear as if what you first endured wasn’t ‘enough.’ In fact, for years I didn’t purposely integrate forgiveness exercises into the healing work, as I too wondered: How can we be expected to forgive someone whose actions caused deep spiritual, emotional, or physical harm? It’s important to understand that this passage is not a condemnation but a guiding principle for your own spiritual and emotional freedom. Forgiveness benefits you—it is a step toward the completion of your healing.
Jesus’ example on the cross demonstrates the depth and grace of forgiveness. “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing” (Luke 23:34). Even in the face of ultimate betrayal and injustice, Jesus chose mercy over resentment. In our own lives, we may not reach perfection in forgiveness immediately, but we are invited to follow Christ’ example in small, daily acts.
Continuous Forgiveness
Forgiveness is not a one-time event; it is a continuous practice as you uncover the layers of bitter pain the heart holds. Trauma often comes from repeated or long-term harm, which means the act of turning these debts over to Christ must be purposeful, not rushed. Matthew 18:21-22 tells us, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”
In trauma recovery, this verse speaks to the ongoing work of surrendering the pain. Each memory, flashback, or reminder of harm may require revisiting what I like to call another “strip of forgiveness.” It is normal for old feelings of anger, grief, or betrayal to resurface. The practice of continual forgiveness involves ongoing prayer, honest communication with God, and a willingness to hand over the weight of these wounds repeatedly.
Christian counseling provides a framework for this ongoing journey, exploring difficult emotions, identifying barriers to trusting Christ with full forgiveness, and developing spiritual and emotional tools to release emotional bitterness while maintaining healthy boundaries.
The Daily Commitment
Forgiveness is ultimately a choice. It is not a passive act but an active decision to entrust the justice of your pain in Gods hands. This process may feel small and incremental, but over time it reshapes your emotional and spiritual life.
In therapy, women often learn to identify the physical and emotional signs of trauma—tightness in the chest, racing thoughts, intrusive memories—and connect them with unresolved anger or resentment. By understanding the effects of trauma, you gain insight into why forgiveness can feel so difficult and how to approach it with grace and patience.
I believe forgiveness in trauma recovery is best served through visualization exercises where you’re led into the dungeon of your heart, locating the bitterness of your prisoners, and handing them and their sins over to Christ to settle the score with. Someday this is an easier, lighter task. Other days it carries the weight of 100 bricks. Together we will work to carry the load to God through guidance, prayer, and encouragement while reminding you that God is ready and able to heal.
Boundaries and Protection
It is critical to acknowledge that forgiveness does not mean allowing harm to continue. Trauma survivors often struggle with the misconception that forgiving someone requires reconciliation and possibly exposure to further abuse. Boundaries are an essential tool for safety and healing.
Forgiveness can coexist with healthy boundaries. You can release resentment internally and even verbally, while still protecting yourself externally. For example, forgiving a church leader who caused spiritual harm does not require you to attend their services or remain in an unsafe environment. Forgiveness is for your soul’s freedom; boundaries are for your ongoing safety.
Christian counseling provides guidance on balancing forgiveness alongside self-protection. Together, you can explore what it means to forgive without compromising your protection.
Releasing Control and Finding Freedom in Christ
Forgiveness requires surrendering the illusion of control. Trauma leaves survivors feeling powerless or overwhelmed by the actions of others. Choosing forgiveness does not mean giving up your voice or experiences; it means handing over the desire for revenge and allowing God to work in His timing.
Psalm 37:5 says, “Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will act.” In trauma recovery, this verse reminds us that God is the ultimate judge and healer. Your role is to release the burden of anger and resentment while He restores your heart and circumstances.
Turning to scripture gives deeper confidence that God truly does have this, have your back, and want what is best for you, thus offering a pathway forward to full forgiveness, both in your mind and heart.
Forgiveness as a Path to Spiritual Growth
Though painful, the journey toward forgiveness can deepen your relationship with God. Trauma often distorts how we perceive love, trust, and God’s care for us. Through the intentional practice of forgiveness, you can reclaim your spiritual connection and rediscover God’s gentle, merciful nature.
Forgiveness transforms not only your relationship with those who hurt you but also your relationship with yourself. It allows you to recognize your resilience, honor your boundaries, and cultivate compassion for your own suffering. As Psalm 147:3 reminds us, God heals the brokenhearted—this healing begins from the inside out.
Practical Steps Toward Forgiveness
Acknowledge the Pain – Name what happened and validate your feelings. You can’t heal from what you aren’t willing to feel.
Seek Support – Work with a Christian therapist, small group, or trusted mentor. Engage in exercises for release with guided support.
Set Boundaries – Protect yourself from further harm while practicing forgiveness. Jesus had boundaries. You can too.
Pray Continually – Hand over anger and bitterness to God and ask for guidance, one “strip” at a time
Use Scripture – Anchor your heart in God’s promises and love. Look to God’s word for truth in these heavy times.
Forgive Incrementally – Forgiveness is rarely complete in one step. Allow it to be ongoing as new “strips” of this pain are revealed.
Journal Your Journey – Write down your feelings, prayers, and reflections on God’s work in your heart. Revisiting your Journal can help you to see how many layers Christ has helped you release along the way.
These practical steps help women integrate forgiveness into their daily lives without forcing a false or premature sense of reconciliation.
Start Forgiving, Gain Freedom
Forgiveness in trauma recovery is not about excusing sin, minimizing pain, or reconciling with the offender. It is about reclaiming your heart and spirit from the weight of resentment. It is about stepping into God’s grace, trusting His justice, and walking in freedom.
Every woman’s path to forgiveness is unique. Some days will feel heavy, others lighter. Some memories will trigger grief or anger, and that is part of the journey. Through prayer, Scripture, counseling, and God’s unfailing love, healing and forgiveness become possible.
When forgiveness finally comes—not because you are ready, but because God is faithful—you will find that your soul feels lighter, your spirit more at peace, and your faith more rooted in God’s character rather than human failures. Forgiveness is an act of spiritual courage, a gift to yourself, and a reflection of Christ’s redemptive love in your life.
If you’re ready to take the next step toward a deeper level of emotional and spiritual freedom, I invite you to schedule a free 20-minute consultation call. Together, we’ll talk through your story, your goals, and the hope God has placed on your heart for healing. This time is simply a chance to connect, ask questions, and discern the next step that feels right for you.
You can also explore more resources and encouragement by reading my blog posts here
Other Services I Offer:
In addition to helping women walk through forgiveness and healing in Christian trauma counseling, I also come alongside those who are navigating anxiety, emotional wounds from childhood, or the unique pressures of serving in ministry.
Through individual online Christian counseling and specialized approaches like EMDR and EMDR Intensives, I help women move toward emotional and spiritual freedom. Together, we invite the Holy Spirit into the process—listening for His guidance, uncovering the deeper roots of pain, and learning to rest in the truth of who Christ says you are.
My heart is to create a safe, grace-filled space where you can explore your story, experience renewal, and discern the next steps on the healing path God has prepared for you. I can’t wait to walk alongside you through this journey.
