If God Is Good, Why Am I Going Through This?
A Christian Counselor’s Perspective on Where Shame and Faith Intersect
There is a question many women bring into Online Christian Counseling—but feel almost afraid to say out loud:
“If God is a loving God… then why am I going through this?”
Not in a casual way. Not in a theological, sit-down Bible study kind of way.
But in the middle of anxiety. In the middle of gut wrenching regret. In the middle of situations that feel confusing, painful, or even unfair.
And if you’re honest, maybe your thoughts have gone even further:
“God, where were You?”
“Why did You let this happen?”
“You said You would be there… so why does it feel like You weren’t?”
Those thoughts can feel dangerous to admit.
So instead, many women do what they’ve been taught to do:
They push those questions down. They replace them with “truth.” They try to have a better attitude.
And slowly… something deeper begins to form.
Shame.
Can I Be Honest About My Pain As A Christian Woman?
When a client asks me, “If God is good, why am I going through this?”—my first response is not polished.
It’s not a quick Bible verse or a neatly wrapped answer.
It’s this: This is real. This is hard. This actually sucks. And God is still good. Both things can exist at the same time. The pain you are feeling right now is not small. It is not something you should rush past or minimize.
And at the same time, I do believe this: The lessons you are walking through—while deeply uncomfortable—can hold purpose.Not because God is excited about your suffering, but because He is able to use what is painful… and do something meaningful with it.
There is a difference.
The Lie That Quietly Fuels Shame
There is a phrase that gets repeated in Christian spaces that often does more harm than good:
“Christians are called to suffer.”
While suffering is part of the human experience… that does not mean God delights in your agony. God is not looking at your pain with excitement. He is not requiring suffering as a way for you to earn closeness with Him.
That kind of thinking can quietly create a dangerous belief: “If I’m hurting, this must be what God wants for me.”
Some women painfully take this one step further:“Maybe I deserve this.”
This is where shame begins to take hold.
What Is The Difference Between Conviction and Shame?
This distinction matters more than most people realize.
Conviction says:
“Something here needs to shift.”
It invites growth. It draws you closer to God. It is specific and actionable.
Shame says:
-You are the problem.
-You are bad. Broken. faulty.
Conviction leads to change. Shame leads to hiding. Many Christian women have learned to confuse the two.
How Shame Hides Behind “Strong Faith”
Some of the women who appear the strongest in their faith… are actually carrying the deepest shame.
Shame doesn’t always look like falling apart.
Sometimes it looks like:
Holding everything together
Never letting people see your struggles
Keeping your hardest thoughts hidden
Showing up consistently, while silently unraveling
From the outside, it looks like resilience. Strength. Deep faith.
But underneath, it’s often driven by a belief: “If people really knew me, they wouldn’t accept me.”
And even deeper: “If God really saw this part of me… He wouldn’t accept me either.”
I’m Afraid Of What God Thinks About Me
Many women won’t say this out loud, but they feel it deeply:
“I’m not strong enough.”
“I’m not faithful enough.”
“I should be doing better than this.”
“I’m weak.”
“I’m unreliable.”
“I’m broken.”
So when something painful happens—or when anxiety won’t go away—you don’t just feel overwhelmed.
You feel like an utter disappointment. You know God is good, but it doesn’t feel good. This is where so many women get stuck, as they assume the problem is spiritual. They believe they need more faith. More discipline. More truth.
There is something deeper happening. This is where we unpack your story.
Your Body Is Part of Your Healing Story
Here is the clinical piece that often gets overlooked:
Your body plays a major role in what you experience as “faith.”
Roughly speaking, your body is communicating the majority of your sense of safety.
Your brain can know something is true-but your body can still feel unsafe. When your body feels unsafe, it will override what your mind believes.
This is why you can:
Believe God is good
Believe you are loved
Believe you are safe
…and still feel anxious, overwhelmed, or unsettled.
This is not a failure of faith. This is your nervous system doing what it was designed to do.
Trauma, Memory, and Why This Feels So Intense
Every person experiences some level of trauma in their life. Your body remembers those experiences.
It stores them—not as distant memories—but as felt experiences in your short term brain. This means when something in the present reminds your body of the past-Your system reacts.
Sometimes the question “Why am I going through this?” is not just about your current situation.
It is connected to:
Past pain
Regrets
Situations you feel you “should have avoided” or “known better”
Moments where you felt unsafe, exposed, or alone
Especially in experiences like:
Broken relationships
Sexual situations that became harmful
Saying yes when something didn’t feel right
These moments don’t just live in your memory.
They live in your body.
Why Do I Question God?
Some of the most honest thoughts women have about God sound like this:
“You weren’t there for me.”
“You left me.”
“Why did YOU let that happen?”
“What were You doing?”
“Were You using me?”
And then immediately after thinking that… Shame rushes in.
“I shouldn’t think that.”
“That’s wrong.”
“I’m a bad Christian for even feeling this way.”
So you shut it down. But its not as if those thoughts disappear. Instead, they go underground.
What Happens When You Don’t Process Trauma
When these questions and emotions are not processed, they don’t resolve. They intensify.
They show up as:
Anxiety that won’t go away
Overthinking everything
Feeling emotionally on edge
Disconnection from God
A quiet sense of guilt you can’t explain
And all of this has nothing to do with your heart for Jesus. It’s instead because these feelings have been repressed, pushed deep inside, not felt, experienced, or healed.
Can I Talk Direct With God?
This is where a shift begins.
What if the thoughts you are trying to hide… are actually the very place God wants to meet you?
Not the cleaned-up version. Not the “right” answer. The real one.
The one that says:
“I don’t understand.”
“This feels unfair.”
“I feel hurt.”
“I feel angry.”
God is not sitting back, disappointed in you for having those thoughts. He already knows every last one of them. God is not pulling away from you, not withdrawing from you, and certainly not another reason for you to distance yourself further.
God Is Good AND This Is Painfu
This is the truth many women resist—but it is where healing begins. God is good. And what you are going through is incredibly hard. Both are true.
You do not have to resolve that tension immediately. You are allowed to sit in it. To feel it. To acknowledge that your body is under stress… while still believing in God’s goodness.
God Uses What the Enemy Meant for Harm. God works things together for good for those who love Him. That does not mean He caused the pain.
It means He is not limited by it. He can take what was meant for harm… and use it in ways that bring healing, growth, and connection.
Not overnight. Not in a way that erases what happened. But in a way that redeems it.
What Healing Trauma Actually Looks Like
Healing is not pretending everything is okay. It is not forcing yourself into peace.
It looks more like this:
Letting yourself feel what you’ve been avoiding
Understanding how your body has been carrying your story
Untangling beliefs that say you are bad or broken
Surrendering your identity fully to Christ
Not in a cliché way.
But in a real, grounded way where you begin to truly understand that God gets to define your value, not your past.
Real Change in Christian Counseling
I’ve worked with women who believed they were permanently disqualified. They believed that because of what they had done—or what had been done to them—they were:
Dirty.
Unworthy.
Shunned by God.
Through counseling over time, something shifted. Real change didn't happen because a trauma informed Christian counselor forced them to “think differently.”
This shift can only be attributed to the internal experiences and allowing themselves to fully understand that God was not disgusted with them. They began accepting that God was pursuing them.
They began to see that even in the places they felt most ashamed…
God was still present. Still working. Still drawing them toward healing.
God Is Not Disappointed in You
If you are sitting in shame right now—questioning yourself, questioning God, wondering if you’ve somehow messed everything up—pause here for a moment and let this settle in fully:
God is NOT disappointed in you.
Not in the way you fear. Not in the way shame tries to convince you.
He is not surprised by your story.
He is not thrown off by your questions.
He is not unsettled by your emotions or frustrated by your process.
He is not withdrawing from you because you’re struggling.
God does not love a polished version of you more than the real one sitting here right now. The parts of you that feel messy, uncertain, reactive, or even distant from Him—those are not the parts that disqualify you. Those are the very places He moves toward.
You may feel like you’ve taken steps backward.
You may feel like you should be “further along” by now.
You may even feel embarrassed that you’re still wrestling with the same things.
And still—He has not stepped away.
He knew the path you would walk, including this moment, and He still chose you. He still called you. He still created a life with purpose woven into every part of your story—even the parts you wish looked different.
Nothing about where you are right now has caught Him off guard.
There is no version of your struggle that makes Him rethink His plan for you.
He is not measuring your worth by how well you’re holding it together. He is not keeping score.
He is not waiting for you to get it “right” before He draws near again. He is already here.
There is still goodness ahead—not because everything will suddenly feel easy, but because God is still actively involved in your story. He is still redeeming, still restoring, still guiding in ways you may not yet see.
How Do I Take the Next Step?
If this stirred something in you, don’t ignore it.
You don’t have to figure everything out today. You don’t need a perfect plan before taking a step forward. Healing often begins with simple curiosity—reading, learning, and allowing yourself to feel seen in the process.
If you’re not ready to reach out yet for Online Christian Counseling, that’s okay.
You can start by exploring more of my informational blogs, where I talk honestly about trauma, anxiety, faith, and what it looks like to heal as a Christian woman. There is space there to explore your questions, your story, and the parts of you that still feel unsure.
And when you are ready, I would love to connect with you.
I offer a free 20-minute consultation call where you can:
Share a little of what’s been weighing on you
Ask questions about the counseling process
Discern if we are the right fit—without pressure
You deserve support that feels safe, aligned with your faith, and grounded in real understanding. You don’t have to carry this alone anymore.
Additional Online Counseling Services
If this topic resonated with you, there are other ways I can support you as you continue healing.
I provide online Christian counseling for women who are navigating:
Childhood trauma and emotional wounds
Anxiety and overwhelm
The unique pressures of ministry life
The desire to grow closer to God while also tending to their mental and emotional health
My work is especially focused on women who feel like they’re holding a lot together on the outside, while internally feeling stretched, reactive, or disconnected.
Through our work together, we gently address the roots of your pain—not just the symptoms—while keeping your faith at the center of the healing process.
Services include:
Online Christian Counseling
Trauma Therapy (including EMDR therapy)
Counseling for Women in Ministry
All sessions are offered online in the states of Ohio, Michigan, Maryland, Pennsylvania, and Florida, creating a space that is both accessible and deeply individualized, personal for you.
If you’re looking for more support, you can explore additional articles on the blog that speak to your specific struggles and questions. When you’re ready, I am here to walk alongside you—at a pace that honors both your story and your faith.
